Kappa Beta Serving the transgendered community since 1988

I was talking with my neighbor, Gloria, the other night. I've only recently met her, so she is still a little [sic] confused when it comes to crossdressers and transsexuals. Terminology is not her strong suit.

She mentioned that she had seen me as both “Nancy” and “John” (not my real former male name, but it will do for this discussion). Now it is true that she has seen me outside without hair and makeup on. Being called by my male name is somewhat upsetting for me, so I didn't like it, but bit my tongue.

Later I was thinking about it because it was bothering me. I decided that when I go out without makeup and hair, it's not really that I am in John-mode; I'm just feeling lazy that day. I don't own any men's clothes any more, so it's not that she saw me in anything but women's clothes. My own hair is long, albeit rather thin.

So it's really a matter of her seeing me as “Nancy” and “Lazy Nancy.” It's probably silly, but that makes me feel better somehow. As “Lazy Nancy” I may not do much to enhance my appearance of femininity, but I also am not doing anything to appear masculine. The distinction would probably be lost on her today, and maybe even on some of us in the TG community. Maybe it won't even matter to me some day, but it does now.

I guess the point here is that we all have to find ways to help ourselves be more comfortable with our idiosyncrasies. Sometimes it is just a matter of describing them in a more personally palatable way. It's just like when I tell people, "If it's on my head, it's hair; if it's on the stand it might be a wig."